Gothic avatar...
Kalendar
Dnevnik.hr
Gol.hr
Zadovoljna.hr
Novaplus.hr
NovaTV.hr
DomaTV.hr
Mojamini.tv
...the crypt of Lord Goth...
U bogovima svojim nek nikad ne nadju spas!!!
...about Lord Goth...
...25 year old tragedy......buried nameles in eternal mist...
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moj MSN i mail:
monsinjor666@hotmail.com
...a gothic romance... crypt of my tragic dark writings...
Gothic romance pt. IV : dances in the mist~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...and I dream how I walk...
The path leads to the place unknown
The melody loud as a whisper in my heart
...leads me through the dark...
...and I feel sorrow in this night...
In my eyes rays of moonlight
Dance in my tears and then falls down
...falls without a sound...
There I see midnight dances...
Beyond this tearful path
Enchanted in gothic romances...
They all dance through the dark
...and now I walk... no more in dream
Through misty forest... now for real
And I hear mournful melody again
...tears they falls like a rain...
Oh, tears they falls down again...
Crystalized... as icy rain now...
And there I see midnight dances...
Even sorrow still exist
Enthralled in gothic romances...
...dances in the mist...
Dances in the mist...
Midnight dances in the mist
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...and then you'll find me dead...
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I writhe to you these words my dear
With pain deep in my heart...
I belive these stains of tears on paper
Would dry by candle light...
The paper is entirelly wet
For even ink is made of tears
But you'll know what is written
...read it on the autumn leaves...
When I look back what have I done so far
With many things I am not so proud
Only moment when I met you, Angeleyes
That... I can say it loud...
All the moments that we share together
So fast... they are gone...
All I wish that they have last forever
For I can't continue alone...
...''it's not matter where you are
No matter with whom...
It's matter that... that you're not mine
And I am not with you...''
I believe that there is so much to find
And time could wash my tears...
But time cannot cure my heart
For it still belongs to thee...
And it will belong to you, my dear
Until the end time...
Even I've lived in fear...
Even you're no longer mine
So when you walk into the garden, my dear
Remember our love that there we kept
Don't cry for the past, it is gone
Don't hate and ruin what we left...
And when you leave the garden, my dear
Remember all what I've said...
And look back for tears under autumn leaves
...and then you'll find me dead...
...a passage to the other crypts...
http://banshee69.blog.hr/ - predobar blog...http://ekatevelika.blog.hr/ - Katin blog, obavezno pobledati
http://justbeingme.blog.hr/ - Ivickin blog, predobre price...
http://disorted.bloger.hr/ - Machin blog, slicno ovome... predobro, tuzno
http://whitemetal.blog.hr/ - Warrior Of The Light - white metal blog
09.05.2008., petak
...enethralled night and the unheard rhyme...
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Shadow: Once again... this sorrowful man wanders through this garden... with bright moonlight reflected in his tearful eyes. Every night he comes, holding one red rose... Then, he light up a candle and sits in front of this old piano... and then most sorrowful melodies enchant us all. Every night different one but about same angel... so sad. As other shadows like me gathers around, for they know that he will play, a maiden ghost appear. A most beautiful silhuette, dressed in her dark funeral gown. As he is only mortal or for some unknown but tragic reason, he couldn't see her. But he can see us... and we share his tragedy and agony. Gathered shadows starts to dance with the moment when his trembling hands touched piano. The song, as usual, was so sad but enchanting for us all. Under the moonlight, just before the midnight, first tears are fallen... He: Once again here I am, Silently whispering her name, In the heart of the night, By the warmth of candlelight. Descending sorrow embraced my eyes, Living my dreams, believing lies, But lust still burns in my heart, For thee, my beauty dressed in dark. Shadow: I stood and watched in awe this scene... a moonlight theatre... Beyond the shades of cypress trees shadows danced but his beauty, with pale and sad face and with tears in her big eyes stands there near the crystal clear lake... and watched him. As far as I can see, his song touched her heart... the look on her face reveals it... if only he could see her. Midnight passed with tolling of the church bell somewhere behind the valley and tearful rhymes continued to fulfill the night... He: Moonlight touched my tearful eyes, And thy gravestone cold as ice, As theatrical reprise... of the tragic night. Gothic romance veiled with tears, Under thy grave covered with leaves, Buried deep now lives for there is my heart... Shadow: ...he stops singing for tears enslaved him but still playing the piano... Then, with the warm autumn breeze... with angelic voice she enthrall agonized dances... Beauty: Oh beloved one, I watch this moonlit night enthralled, Tears in our eyes are doleful omens of undying love. You don't dream a lie, for I watch you from a fields afar, And I'll give again my life if you could only hear this rhyme... He: Do you remember the lake and the bench where we rested and stared And the woods where we wandered and where we got lost? Do you recall the night once upon a time and the fields by moonlight The eternal landscape where I kissed you for a first time...? Beauty: Oh sorrow of mine, release this chains just for a while, For in this dark romantic night we suffer again like once opon a time. A moment will be enough, loud as a whisper in autumn night, Just to say what's in my heart and to kiss his lips one last time... Shadow: As night passed and dawn greets the horizon, the gathering is coming to its end... for we must disappear with the first rays of light. Sadness is still reigning... and other shadows are disappearing in the depths of the forest. I stayed and watched them... still tearful he left the place... and in one moment he turned his head back thus spoke, so silent... He: ...and once... somewhere... sometime... you will be mine again... Shadow: Then he left... following the narrow cobblestone path... So another night passed... but the night will fall again. And we shall dance again... and tears will fall again too... I turn around and there she stands... looking in his direction... with so sad look on her face... I looked at her for a while but she just stared... I turn around and walk into the forest leaving her behind and still whispering the melodies... As forest remained silent I heard her tearful whisper... Beauty: ...if you could only hear my rhyme... |
14.04.2008., ponedjeljak
...never ever seen...
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Remember the night and the dance we shared? There, on the Evermoon Hill under the moonlight... And, as church bell tower tolled midnight you left me with a kiss so kind... and as I realize by now, the last one... Since that night I lost every trace of you, althrough every night I cross the forest to reach that hill... hoping you will appear. Seven years passed... seven years I waited... and all these years I leave the hill after midnight with more tears in eyes... and bigger pain in heart. Will I ever see you again? Will you ever come back and dance with me again? I wish so... I dream so... even only until midnight... Is it true that my wish and my dream is blowed into the dust? ...I don't know where you are... and it's killing me... Maybe... somewhere far far away... you dance with another shadow on another hill under the same enchanting light of the moon... Maybe... |
20.03.2008., četvrtak
...love forlorn...
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Here I write in the mist of the nightfall, by the blaze of the candlelight... A some kind of a diary of mine, but ink is not even dry and in one page I spent all my life... and it's only thy name, Angeleyes... This sorrow that descends I cannot bear anymore. And I cannot write anymore... Bliss of my life is drifting away from me... and what life brings I don't really care... I believe it cannot be worse. Living without thee, my love, is something beyond my strenght. I don't have will to live. All I need to do now is to lay down... and close my eyes... Under the yellow autumn leaves... covered with midnight mist. I'm tired... for tears blinds me. Here, on this lonesome path that leads towards the woods, moonlight is so bright, so warm... and breeze so soft like silk... and I... enclosed with moonlight and covered with nightfall whisper thy name in vain... Looking few clouds flowing the eternal skyline, a billions of stars... I wish you are here... Our promises becomes only shades and undying lust... a tearful vision that hounts us when night dethrone the day. Then, pillow entirely wet of tears brings back the memories of what we once called fairytale. Shame... but our fairytale exist now only in our dreams. When in the night like this moon enlight the pines and their shadows touch the paths where I wander, tears embrace my eyes and crown of sorrow descend upon me... and... I wish that it can stay forever like this... just because this... this vision... will kill me. |
04.02.2008., ponedjeljak
...falling down...
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As the nightfall kissed my eyes, and moonlight kissed the epitaph of long lost love, memories of lust and passion embraced my mind... Walking alone through the rising fog, I'm recalling the endless fields where I kissed her for a first time... a beauty divine... Angeleyes. Ah, the first time... the same moonlight, descending nightfall, trembling arms... and her lips... red as wine... sweet as something beyond this world... and her scent of a rose... Lust flows like shiver through my spine... Sadly but... I feel that those memories will stay just memories... never relived again. For she's gone... Now everything reminds me on her... nightfall, moonlight, fields... and it's hard to live with. All I ever loved... now I hate... I'm full of hatred and sadness... inner struggles completely torned me apart. The place where once were heart now is just empty ruin with maybe last spark of hope but dying... ceasing to exist. Seems that only lust still exist... and love, sad love. What we had was only songs, dreams and memories... all this fading away... Songs almost forgotten... dreams turned into nightmares... and memories slowly fading... No, they will never fade away, they will just slowly fade, into fog... remain there as omens of our love. Remaining there as along as I can cry, as I have tears to cry... and that is... forever. Like I am sentenced to this... They say that time could wash away all our tears... so the time shall tell... I fear that my time will never come... And all the time I will have just almost forgotten songs, nightmares, memories and lust... Nothing more... |
17.01.2008., četvrtak
...winternight's tale...
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Rainy autumn almost passed away as coldness embrace the ruins of sorrowful lands... The trees painted in black appeared like gravestones upon the rising fog. Fallen leaves are lying around like they represent omens of a dying season and fading love... As grey clouds moved aside, a blissful vision of eternal skyline granted lands with touch of hope... that the rain will end it's reign os sorrow. But, when winter with it's coldness dethrone autumn shall I die...? Alone in the frosbitten forrest... Hm... I wonder... As I mourn my beloved upon her grave, harking the hounted melodies of the surrounding tearful fallen angels, my eyes cought something that little scared me... I wipe off my tears so cold and keep to stare in what amazed me. Near her grave a lonely tree stands... black as gravestone as I said, or even a statue and two leafs on it. Of the whole tree top only two of them remained... alone... like lovers... Like me and my long lost love... As I've been thinking of this... still trembling, one of them fall down... So sad to see... the other one is left alone... Indeed... leaves are omens of love for me... The one is fallen into oblivion and the other one is left alone... Now he mourn the fallen one... I guess... fighting with coldness and winds... ...like me and my long lost love... Poor leaf... left alone... Waiting to descend... to fall to the other one... Winter season came creeping slowly... and the coldness that brings froze raindrops on the fallen leaves... turning off the candle that lights the epitaph on her grave... and almost froze my tears... but no, I will cry until Death comes to tap my shoulder... I believe that my time will come soon... for I loose all the strength I once had... Tired... alone... feeling so cold... disappointed... I see no point in going on. I hope I'll greet Death soon... Nightfall is descending slowly... and monlight is illumunating the landscape... I wish she was here... to see this... most beautyful winter night... Coldness embraced me so I lay near her grave... feeling like life is drifting away from me... still looking that sad leaf over there... I can almost hear Death singing to me... ''Hear my call ... descend and face your fall...'' As bell strikes midnight the first snowflakes starts to fall... dancing in the night... I still stare in that leaf... Then, suddently... leaf faced it's fall... so slowly, like in some slow-motion he starts to fall down... so slowly as snowflakes danced around him... Tear then split my eye as I look his fall... my last tear... for none shall fall no more... Leaf descend to the ground where the other one rested... ''..now you are not alone...'' - I said closing my eyes... |
10.01.2008., četvrtak
...I love thee, fair temptress...
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Once there was a boy... In a land far away he lived, yearning for his beloved. Sad and tearful he used to write songs, dreaming her... imagining her and her beauty near him... for he was enthralled by the look that she had... her eyes so deep... her hair that once rested on his shoulder... and lips... red as wine... sweet as sweetest love poison. No, she is not dead... just in a cold town... alone... living there... Distance between them was way too far... so sad... Every day they used to write letters to each other... a letters full of love, yearning, passion... Every night they dreamed about each other... Every night was more and more painfull... for the distance that apart them is hurting... as a thorn in a heart. All they had are dreams... and their endless love. And hope... Many nights they cried... feeling like standing on the edge... and falling... Oh how I wish to die - he used to say... tired of waiting... and crying... but then, he remember how he love her and how she loves him... Strange, but it seems that God's hands divided what love once united... One day he decided to visit her... to see his beloved, alone in a cold town... far away... Feeling happy and thrilled he sit in a carriage and headed towards the big town... During the trip he is recalling all the moments that they spent together... and thinking about her and what will he say to her when they meet... As the carriage stop in a station and as he step out of, a most beautiful angel started to run to him... Yes... his beloved... As she is running, he felt something... like the time is slowed down... looking that divine beauty... with thrembling hands... feeling nothing but love... an endless love... and a tear that splits his eye... He embraced her... so strong... and she him too... They are standing there... among the people... embraced... carring for nothing and for anyone... In that moment all that matters was they... nothing else... I love you... - they said.... and at last, smile shone on their faces... The days passed in joy... and the nights in passion... Like a fairytale... But the day they feared came... The day of sorrow... to say ''farewell...'' That day the sky is crying... sad fog hides the distance and sky turns into grey... Clouds of sorrow spilled tears from above... the rain is falling like never before... They are running to the station... The carriage is almost gone and they didn't have too much time... not even for the last kiss... He entered the carriage and as he look over his shoulder he sees that she is telling him ''do not leave me...'' He let a tear down... looking her how she stands in the rain... and disappearing in the fog... Looking through the window... tearful, recalling the past days... how they are gone so fast... Looking the raindrops dancing on the window of the carriage, tears starts falling... falling like never before... The rain is still falling and the nightfall is spreading its wings and somwhere between the forrests agony embraced their love, for Death is always lurking in the dark... Due to the fast driving, nightfall and the raging rain, the carriage flips over... an accident happened... The carriage rolled over the road and he's pushed through the window, together with the dancing raindrops... Lying there... on the wet autumn leaves somewhere in the dark forrest... looking bodies around and a burning carriage he realize that the end is near... He could't feel his legs... only strong pain that covers his body. Inonically... he always liked to walk through the forrest... he offten dreamed foerrest... and now, he will die in the forrest... Death is standing upon him, waiting for him to close his eyes for a last time... He's not afraid to die... he not regret for his life... he regret that he missed the last kiss... he mourn for this last kiss... for that he left her in the rain without last kiss... With last ounce of energy, lying on the wet autumn leaves, in coldness and rain he whispered... ''I love thee, fair temptress...my Angeleyes...'' and he close his green eyes... Once there was a boy... |
03.01.2008., četvrtak
...the night of nights...
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Embraced by sadness I fall asleep, tears still runs down from my eyes... for days... it hurts... I feel like I cry thorns, not tears. Don't know why... I feel sorrow heavy as stones but I don't need to cry for it... tears just started to fall for several days... Last I know that I've laid in my bed... And... again... darkness around, moonlight and forrest... but not the forrest I always dream... This one is darker. Enclosed with mist I walk the narrow cobblestone path, thrilled of the vision. Amazingly, the roses that follow the path too are red... most beautiful red colour I've ever seen. I reach the end of the path and the scene that appeared in front of me enchanted me... a misty sea... not so wide, for I see the other side... From the mist a silluethe arrived... someone in cloak on the wooden raft is floating to me... His lantern illuminates the mist around. As he reaches the shore where I stand, he takes the scythe and come closer... -Oh God... - I whispered as I realize that the skeleton arm is holding the scythe... He just stared into my eyes... in silence... only I could hear is my heart that beats faster and faster... Frozen in fear and with trembling voice I dared to ask who is he... Then, with death-like voice he answered...: -...a ferryman... -Ferryman...? - I replied... -Another deathdream-walker, I see... - he answered and turn back... leaving me... -Wait... - I yelled... - what do you mean ''another deathdream-walker'' and what is on the other side? -Leave... for it is not your time yet to know... -But I want to know... Then he answered, disinterested as first time...: -We will meet again... one night... Come back when you leave you life behind... like others... like your Angeleyes... -You know her...? - I replied fast. -I know everyone... who need to cross the sea... -Take me to her... please... -No... it's not your time yet... not your time yet to meet her... -When it will be... my time...? -At the night of nights... when you learn the song... Then... I opened my eyes... that dream feels so real... and the truth that I realize, beside that he is Death, is that sorrow that I feel for my Angeleyes is growing more and more... That dream just reminded me how I miss her... and how I cannot live without her... tearful and broken... Oh I wish to be dead... I don't care for my life... just... I just want her again... even in death, even to just look at her... I don't need to touch her... just to look... The day pass by... sad as the day when she died... all day I've just stared in the wall... I wish to die... die because of sorrow, not illnes or suicide or something else... for the sorrow I feel shall last forevermore... The night came... and tired of crying I fall into sleep... The same dream appear... and... I think I know the song now... Thrilled, I start to run that path... Strange, but amazing again, that roses that follow the path are dead but in somekind ''bloom'' feeling... dead but alive... As I reached the shore, I see that he is not coming... for several minutes I waited but nothing... Where is he...? Maybe the song will devote attention... Scared... I decided to try, for I am not afraid to die... I don't have really reason to live... With trembling voice I started to recite the rhymes... -''... ferryman, if you please, take me across this misty sea, night of nights crossed my way leaving light behind as price I must pay...'' Then, from the mist he appeared, looked at me and spoke...: -''You may still change your mind, and embrace the white light behind...'' -No, I decided to reach the other side, I have no fear... He rises his skeleton arm to me and spoke again : -''Take my hand and come aboard, I will take you to the realm forlorn, leave the mortal life behind this shore but the tears and sorrow shall forevermore...'' As he drive that wooden raft through the misty sea I start thinking about my beloved and his last rhymes... He remain silent during the journey and I decided to ask him another question...: -What did you mean in your last rhymes and will I see my beloved, my Angeleyes... shall I rest in eternity with her...? -''You heard my rhymes, the words I sing, and you accepted the offer that I bring, forget the life behind, love and your dear, be silent, the other shore is almost near...'' Fear and tears embraced me... -But you said when my time comes... I'll meet her... - I replied with trembling voice. Then he starts to laugh with his death-like voice and then spoke... : -''The scent of dead roses marks your paths, time has come for you in this night of nights, in eternity you will never see your Angeleyes, and repeat the rhyme that even Death may lie...'' |
12.12.2007., srijeda
...to my beauty, adored...
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[Gothic avatar]: Begone oh moonlight from the grave of my beloved Begone, begone... leave us alone My crystallized tears shall froze the hounted Bosut shore For the sorrow I feel shall last forevermore... Many moons ago my eyes become enthralled by tears For agony of autumn and beauty crowned with leaves Many moons ago tragedy embraced my heart For Death married my beauty dressed in dark [Shadowdancers]: Thy sorrow shall rest here Beyond this moonlight path Moon will illuminate your tears Cold - frozen - crystallized [Gothic avatar]: Begone... shadows of the night Begone... leave me alone... [Distant choir]: Only sorrow sings of time of long ago How autumn brings nightfalls forlorn Sleeping all alone in a cold bed Dreaming beloved, beautiful but dead [Gothic avatar]: Insane and tearful in silence loud as a whisper In trembling hands holding roses that wither Looking into distance, to the funeral sky Cursing one above who let my beauty die [Distant choir]: Left alone to dwell beneath this rising mist... With ruined heart but where love still exist... [Gothic avatar]: Tired of crying and wishing I was dead Remembering the words I've never said I'd like to say it now but I know it's too late For I read thy epitaph on my knees upon thy grave... |
10.12.2007., ponedjeljak
...so close but so far away...
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Beloved... here I am upon thy grave... Beloved... come to me for I stand on the autumn rain... feeling so cold... Embrace me just for a moment... just to dry my tears... Do you hear me... my trembling whisper...? Do you hear my endless weeping, my scream inside...a cry in the dark...? Tonight I... I feel agony stronger than all... seven years passed since you died... look... funeral skies cry with me... for you... I can't even light up a candle, for my hands tremble... it's so cold... so cold without you... I would give a kingdom for a minute with you... just to see those eyes... that smile... even tears... I would give my life just to look into your eyes without tears in mine... just for a moment... What have I done so I cannot have you...? This punishment... I become empty shell... with tearful eyes, ruined heart and tired soul... Sometimes... I wish to be dead... and sometimes... oh God how I wish I never met you... I wish you've never be born... I'm sorry... |
03.12.2007., ponedjeljak
...Divinity and Lust...
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Fallen beneath the veil of dream, or as I thought it was, I found that I am standing on old cobblestone road that leads into unknown distance... but why am I here...? I remember the last night... cold rainy autumn night, and sorrowful weeping from funeral skies... I felt ill and forlorn as I am swallowing tears and drowning in them... and my cold bed... lying in bed and wishing I was dead... And now... I am here... What is this doleful place? Fullmoon illuminates the narrow path crowned with fallen autumn leaves and melody of distant violines enthrall my ears... Shall I follow the path? I decided to. Walking into unknown scared me... but not completly as I felt thrilled in one way... What if I am really dead...? Could this be my purgatory... here beyond the mist of winternight's tales...? The path leads between forrests and I can clearly see shadows moving around me, dancing in the rays of moonlight... and what suprised me that I don't fear anymore... Then I found the gates... great iron-forged gates partially opened. I pass the gates and continue along the path. There... in the mist where roses grow a tower appears. I open the wooden door and enter inside... Near the window silluethe of a man in cloak is sitting, writting with ink in big book... He rises his head and whisper: -Welcome home... ''stranger''... I stood and watched and then I ask him who is he, where am I and why. -I am... just a Poet of Tragedy... - then he leave... disappear... As the window cought ray of moonlight illuminating the old man's book I saw last lines what is written... it says: ''...and then I entered this Gothic tower... looked myself in the eyes and ask where am I and why...'' What I saw scared me... I don't know what to think right now. Weakness embraced me and I start to tremble... and sorrow rises within me... and I sit in front of book... As I realize, this book is full of sorrow... and written by me. It seems to be a some kind of a diary I made... a thousands of frostbitten pages, wet of tears, mostly writen of my beloved. It seems that this place is perverted and doleful reign of sorrows... and my home... is this gothic tower my home? Still confused, I look through the window... fullmoon night, midnight chimes... ghosts and shadows dance together... then, a flash visions appeared before my eyes... I remember some things but not complete. I am sure now that I'm been here before, many times before, but why and when I don't know. I step outside this tower and take a walk. Shadows and ghosts still dance enchanted by a melody of fallen autumn leaves. Many statues I've founded here, mostly covered with leaves... and their eyes... full of sadness and lust. In the mists I saw statues as omens of love, lust and perversions, embraced with death... Then, heavenly melody... the most sadliest song I've ever heard embraced me. As I relized that it comes from a near garden, I head straight into it. There, a young fair maid sitting on swing sings this mournful song... and it seems that tragedy froze her eyes into cold stare... I can feel much more sorrow in this autumn garden, wet yellow colours and crystalized tears around. As she turn her eyes on mine, she stops singing... and with angelic voice whispered ''Hi''... For hours we've talking even she knows me little... Lenore is her name. She is like me... a tired soul, mournful... cursed to dwell in shades. Tired of walking and sorrows that floats around I decided to go back into the tower... to read the book... I read it for hours and the ryhmes and verses hounted me and my eyes too. For the night is still around, I consider that the night is eternal. And so the fullmoon and autumn. I open the wooden door and start to walk on the path of thorns, for it's written in the book, that beyond the path of thorns a Lake of Tears exist... The lake was crystal-clear and there fallen angels cry, banished from heaven for they are fell in love with mortals... There, not so far from the lake I have found the grave of my beloved... the epitaph written with my tears... for few moments tears are falling from my eyes. I light up a candle and go away, still tearful. With autumn breeze leaves dance around my feet and it's warmth dry all tears from my face. I am returning to the tower but on another way, through the woods and gardens. There, in the garden, silhouettes enthralled in lesbian fantasies... whispering to the mirrors... licking mirrors and singing mournfull melodies in wedding gowns. As I walk the path leaving gardens behind, sad choir from distances is singing another melody of sadness enclosed with whispering winds. Near the tower a ghost of my beloved dance... I run to her... enthralled by her beauty... dressed in funeral gown...but she disappear. I enter the tower... and looking through a window I see her with Death, dancing the midnight waltz on the hill enclosed with fallen leaves and fullmoon... Agony and lust split my heart already ruined. They danced until choir singings disappear in the mists of surrounding gardens of sorrows... Tearful, I sit on doorstep staring on dancing shadows and ghosts when Death appear in front of me. Coldness hit my spine and eyes... I can see my reflection on his scythe... With strong but whispered voice he talked with me... but no fear can touch me, strange... for what he told me... now I know... Silence... silence loud as a whisper... reign of sorrow... Death is slowly walking into fog... What if this is my life... and my so called ''real life'' is just a dream...? My tears, diary, my ruined heart... is this my real life...? If is... why I like it? Life in doleful mist with rising sorrow, falling tears and perverted adultery... And why we cannot be together...? Why ??? - I yelled... Death turns around and whispered...: ''...for Divinity and Lust are forever forbidden to meet...'' |
21.11.2007., srijeda
...but Death adored her...
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Once upon a time, but not so long ago... Beyond the forrest in moonlit autumn night I wander... alone...sad as before but not tearful. Why? Hm... as I walk the narrow path embraced by dances of fallen leaves and shadows of the night, I am recalling the moments we used to spent together... before... Many nights we walked this path... hand in hand, enchanted in symphony of the whispering winds... talking... laughing... Behind the corner of the woods there is a bench where we used to sit for hours, alone in the dark... with fireflies under the lantern... as a statues, but alive ones. Sometimes... we are just sitting there... staring into distances unknown... and staring into each others eyes... Hm... those eyes... just when I imagine them... my heart starts to beat faster and harder... Green eyes of lust, how I call them will stay in mind for eternity... Every time when I close my eyes I see her and all our love, our times... but also her funeral... I used to say ''our funeral'' but I realized that she died, not our love... Now, as I lay in my bed at night... now cold without her, I still whisper ''...I love you...'', then tear split my eye and I fall asleep. Later, at the gates of dreamland I see her... how she wave to me... comes to me, dance with me... and so on and on... day after day. At nightfall I start my journey on the same narrow path that leads to the bench... and repeating the scenery over and over... sometimes I even make a smile but not to offten, for our tragedy hounts me. Now... I am little bit jealous... for Death has my beloved... now Death dance with her on the hill under the moonlight, holding her tight... and stare into her eyes... into green eyes of lust... ...for Death adored her... |
13.11.2007., utorak
...sleep now forever...***
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''Close your eyes and sleep well my dear... Here in my arms you don't have to fear, Close your eyes and dream us together... Close your eyes... and sleep now forever...'' ...that was last what I've said to her... my last lullaby to my dying beauty... Time has come untimely for my beloved, cold scythe of Death was fallen on her with the coming nightfall... I still remember that night... warm autumn breeze caressed her long hair, moon is shining bright, fallen autumn leaves danced on that breeze and her whispers... an enchanting sorowfull melody that ruined my heart... Many tears I swallowed that night... I feared the moment... she will fade away... soon... now my hands tremble as hers... As I watch her... that angelic body... green eyes of lust and lips now pale, once red as wine... I recall all those moments we've spent together... how they are gone so fast...and how they slowly fade and wither like roses in the mist... As bells chimes midnight from the ruined gothic tower, here, in this doleful shades I faced her fall... as I kissed her, for she whispered to me, I felt how she's losing her last ounce of energy to kiss me and embrace me for last time... With trembling voice I whispered to her that song, that lullaby... that... prelude to tragedy... ...then... she leave... cold tears filled my eyes... cold river of tears flow from my tired eyes and the sorrow I felt I cannot describe... tears and fear choked me... ''...sleep now forever...'' As she is lying in my arms for a few moments silence is reigning... I am not daring to speak... only whispering: ''...everything dies...'' Now... as I stand upon her grave, reading her epitaph written with my tears I lit the candle and tears falls down on roses that I brought to her and they become alive... then I whispered to myself: ...only one rose still lies dead... rose of my life... ***dedicated to my friend Kate... |
06.11.2007., utorak
...and the night will fall again...
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Amidst falling leaves I wander silently, harken the moonlight symphony... leaves hustle under my feet and wind is swaying so nice and warm... I just walk... carring for nothing... I dreamt her again... pale beauty with lustiful eyes, dancing amidst the roses that time forgots... Her hair is dancing on the rays of moonlight, looking like enchanted fairy... in funeral gown so ravendark... Daring not to speak, I don't even dare to blink my eyes for I fear that she will disappear... I just stood and watched this divine sight... She looked at me while she danced and whiped the tear that fell from her eye and make a smile for me but I just continue to stare as a statue in this doleful garden... Then... she danced to me and she starts to sing so silently with angel-like voice...: ''Take this tear from my eye... catch the ray of moonlight And if you are true love of mine... find me in the dark, At nightfall whisper my name... with eyes full of tears And I will reappear again and again relieve your dreams...'' ...then she disappear... as a mist... I was still standing after that for a few moments... staring into the unknown... and I felt something in my hand... something like a tear... Now... I just need to wait for the night to come... |
29.10.2007., ponedjeljak
Lost hopes, all those kind words could hurt me even more...
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Someone said once that in every tunnel hides ray of light... someone said once a lie... I realized that I hate some people... I hate their lies... their fake smile... I wonder, what is behind their masks, what kind of hate and hypocritism hides behind their eyes...??? And I realized that there is a lot of lost souls that feel the same... I know, life is not fair and often can be very cruel with falling or rising... no one is perfect... but... you cannot be a double faced all your life... and how you can even look yourself in the mirror every morning... don't you hate your face...your false existence... doleful face of charade...? Don't you hate yourself... your deeds... your greed... the bad things you've done to someone else...? And all that just because YOU done that also or even worse... sometimes... and all the time... even now... Do you feel guilty now...? Does your heart beats harder and faster now...? Do you feel a tear in your eye...? Do you...? If you lit a candle on cold autumn or winter night and take the hand of your ''beloved'' and make a smile for him/her... and you know it is a fake smile, what kind of serpent is hiding in your heart? When you let tear from your eye can you describe yourself as some kind of Ice Queen with frostbitten crystallized tears...? Like in old fairytales... just to seduce and trick the one... one lost soul that yearns to be embraced and loved... Ask yourself what coldness lurks inside you... and why you like it so much... why you adore it so much... It is not because someone else... it is you... face it... Tell something nice and warm... just to fool the other one... Lost hopes, all those kind words could hurt it even more... How can you dance a midnight waltz under fullmoon light, enchanted in symphony of falling leaves with ''beloved'', tell that you love and adore him/her, hug him/her tight and look behind his/her shoulder into distance of the rising fog with cold stare... feeling nothing and feeling just fine... Ask yourself would you like it... Do you like to be betrayed... backstabed... Do you want to be the other one but with your conscience... to be that one but to know that he or she is just like you... that you belive that you are adored but to know the truth... the other one is you... Can you handle it...? Do you...? Can you...? Lost hopes, all those kind words could hurt you even more... For how long you'll bear this burden...? So many questions... do you have an answer to even one? Only one... but not to blame the other side... Who needs to die to end this charade... this masquerade... you or the other one...? Is it better for the other one to die just to end this agony... just before he/she fell real sorrow, real agony, real truth... real pain of believing a lie... of dreaming a lie... ??? ...because... lost hopes, all those kind words could hurt even more... Read this very slowly...: ''Lost hopes... ...all those... ...kind words... ...could hurt me even more...'' Can you find yourself here...? Now say nothing... let the silence reign... hark sinister beat of your heart... Say nothing... Don't disturb the silence... because... ...lost hopes, all those kind words could hurt me even more... |
23.10.2007., utorak
A fallen beauty crowned with leaves
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Here I am... once again in this doleful garden... writing tragedies... Many moons ago beloved died, many moons ago tears filled my eyes... this crystal-cold tears and enchanting sorrow I cannot longer bear... for my love is my curse... Distant whispers of distant violins embrace this ruin that once was my heart... still mourning for beloved... Now I recall that autumn night... oh, memories begone! A pale beauty dressed in dark lying in my hands... and her trembling voice...: ''... kiss me for last time...''. That memories still haunts my mind... and my eyes... Melodies of sadness and fallen leaves enchant me...I will dream again her and her funeral gown... her lusty green eyes...oh, Angeleyes... Every night I dream this... when the sun sets behind her grave and when shadows start to dance she comes...my Angeleyes... still dressed in dark... beautyful but dead. As long as I adore her, I wish to dream no more... I wish to dream eternally so that she cannot leave me no more... to dream with her in the enchanting meadows of Elysian fields... Every night I dream this... every night I dream a lie... |
22.10.2007., ponedjeljak
Gothic avatar...
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What sorrow brings... I carry...all alone... Black candle wax has buried me... Life in doleful shades from nightmares become reallity as I wake up beyond the mists of Gothanian's Ruins... With ink of tears I write my dreams and memories... shades of long lost love and frostbitten pages... Here, in the Garden of Endless Grief under the bleak moonlight cold stone becomes my pillow... and all warmth I felt is the candlelight... Oh, pages... wet of tears... my diary is full of them... As I writhe here in silence's whisper tears of sorrow embrace my heart... ''Hark...'' - raven said... - ''for thy dreams are carried into the Lake of Tears...' ''I know...'' - I whispered... - ''... and I yearn for the winternight when Death come to pay me a visit... to tap my shoulder... the winternight when I kiss the blind ray of his scythe... Raven spoke...: - ''It's not your time... yet...'' |
